Трансформация - Рашида Юсуфи

– Wait. Don’t be in a hurry. First check my legs. Something is wrong with them.

– They are fine. Let me look at them. – I was touching her legs above the blanket.

– No. Remove the blanket. There is something. I can feel it.

– Ok. – I removed the blanket. Took off her socks. Massaged her legs for few minutes. -Do you want to go to the toilet now?

– Water. Will you bring me a water? I am thirsty.

– Just a moment. – I left to the kitchen and came back – Here, grandma. – That time she needed assistance to sit up for drinking. – ok, my dear. Thank you. Now you can take me to the toilet.

– It is here. Come. Put on your slippers.

– Ok. Slowly, slowly…

We had completed the process of delivering natural needs. We washed her hands at the bed. She drunk water, again. We talked a little bit about my mom. She asked if mom was fine. If she was sleeping or at work. Sometimes granny mixes up things and forgets events.

Finally, after 40 minutes she agreed to go back to the bed. I decided to sit down for a second. I felt dizzy and weak. I closed my eyes. Hoping that I would feel better.

– Where did you run? Why are you running at night? – She could only hear me running out of the room. I did not even remember that. I only knew I was sitting next to my granny. Closed my eyes. That’s all.

Sound. Noise. Hit. I opened my eyes. I was lying down on the floor and looking at the ceiling. I was not able to understand what just happened. Where was I?

At that second, I had so many thoughts in my head: “Did I die? Where is my mom? Can I move? What if I am paralyzed? How would my mom handle it all alone? No, I can’t do this to her. I must stand up”.

I did not know how long I was questioning myself. For me it was as eternity. I was scared to speak. I wanted to scream. But my fear was stronger than me. I was afraid not hear back my mom’s response. I was not ready to lose my family.

In a bit. In front of me. I saw an angel. She was standing above me: “Why are you on the floor? Come, sleep on your bed, Zezo”. She tried to pull me. My mom… She always was so calm. It was like nothing happened. Did she know that I fell? Or did she think that I was just relaxing on the floor? – “Mom, please, don’t move me. Maybe I broke something. Let me lie down here for a while”.

It was 3.45 a.m. Mother went to granny’s room: “Zezo fell somehow. You ok, mom? I will go check her. You need anything?” Granny replied something. But I was not listening anymore.

Before mother reached me, I started slowly moving my fingers. My foot. It was alright. I could move them. I could hear my family talking about me. I was alive. Thanks God. At that minute my world has changed.

For me personally, that situation was as if I had a small talk with a God. As if He told me: “I exist! I am with you!”. So, I started praying. I have never done it before. I asked Him to forgive me for what I said earlier! I begged Him to provide me with health. And if He did, I would be grateful. I would start reading Holy Book. I would never be sad because of people, who walked away from my life.

Earlier the same night, I had a very difficult break up. My boyfriend decided to end our love story. I was so broke. Cried for hours. I said to myself: “If God exists, how could he treat me like this? Why should I suffer for someone I love? So maybe He does not exist?!”.

Obviously, I was wrong. Right after this case I received His answer. God heard me. That headbutt was an epiphany for me. He demonstrated His power. He pulled me from granny’s room to my room’s door. Hit my head on my room door. Left my body there. To think. To analyze. To become a true believer. He demonstrated His justice. Perhaps my kindness and care for my grandmother saved me and gave me the happiness to know the Love of God.

After that bad fall, I was not able to walk. I could not turn my head. I was always feeling dizzy. Doctors couldn’t help me. My mother was so desperate. She called all her friends, relatives to find a good physician. This time I knew he could hear me, and I began praying more and more. I wanted Him to give me a second chance. I knew He would bestow upon me his grace and mercy… Finally, after two months, someone recommended us neuropathologist. It was a God’s blessing. Her treatment healed me in a couple of weeks. I was already standing on my own two feet.

New life – new me. I knew that a terrible fall was a sign for me, a gift. With those statements in my mind. I decided to live this life in a nice way. I bought tickets to travel around. To discover new cultures, people, and this beautiful world. I let my past go. I have no fear for the future. I live in the present.

My faith in God taught me to appreciate and love every single moment of the life.

Об авторе

Рашида. Начинающий писатель. Пишет на английском и русском языках.

Рашида родилась в городе Душанбе в интеллигентной семье. С раннего детства ей прививали любовь к учёбе и стремление к саморазвитию.

В 2009 году с отличием окончила Кипрский Университет и получила степень бакалавра по бизнес-администрированию. Рашида несколько лет проработала в банковской сфере, пройдя