Короткие пьесы - Людмила Ансельм

MIKE: Nah! We see only the guy putting one leg on the woman. The next scene shows him turning off the lights. And then the TV goes black…

(Pause)

End of the fourth segment!

JULIE: When do you start shooting this scene?

MIKE: Next week. I had some rehearsals, but I’ve never taken Viagra…

JULIE (with steely calm): How could you rehearse, if you never take Viagra?

MIKE: And you?

JULIE: Of course not! I’m a woman.

MIKE (more and more excited): Julia, women are trying Viagra too… For some it seems to work. For others not…

JULIE: I don’t need to take Viagra…

MIKE: But…sex is good for health both men and women…

JULIE: Now, I don’t need sex. I seem to have lost interest…

MIKE: Exactly!!! And you have to know Viagra improves social communication!

JULIE (ironically): Communication!!…

MIKE (blithely continues): Maybe you would like to try Viagra some time… I have an extra. You can try it.

(Mike holds out a pill. Julie, hesitates then curiously takes it)

JULIE (looking at the pill): You’re stark raving mad!

MIKE: Aren’t you interested in how Viagra acts on you? You’re not curious?

JULIE (handing pill back): No!… Curiosity killed the cat…

MIKE: (coaxing): Are you afraid? Take a half then…

JULIE (standing): No!… Never!

MIKE: Julie, don’t be rash!… I ask one last time…

(Mike suddenly stands and tries to hug Julie)

JULIE (picks up heavy bronze: table lamp and pushing him away with the bronze lamp at the ready): Away!

MIKE (joyfully): It’s already working! I’m starting to feel warm…

(He glances at his watch)

Just 10 minutes! It’s normal!

(Pause)

JULIE (angrily waving the lamp at Mike); Now, I know why you came to me! You want to rehearse with me and Viagra! Bastard!

MIKE: Julia, I feel sorry for you… You’re not right…

(Julie slaps Mike on the face. Mike pulls away)

JULIE (shouts throwing the flowers at Mike): Get out! Do your rehearsals with your bitch, Rita!

(MIKE stoops over to carefully pick up the flowers. Between picking up the flowers one by one he says)

MIKE: Sorry…….but…….. To tell you… The truth….Julie,

(Long pause)

with Rita……. I don’t need Viagra!

JULIE (waving the lamp, screeches): Get out you bastard! Get out!…

MIKE (sadly, like a tragic actor): Now I see, you’ll never guess, why we separated… All our relations could be different, if…

(Pause)

JULIE (excited): If? What if?

MIKE: If you were a little bit… a little bit curious… Good bye, Julie!

(Mike exits. Julie slumps down on the sofa, but jumps up)

JULIE (runs to the door and shouts): Mike! Mike! Wait… I changed my mind! Come back!

THE END

RUSSIAN MASTER CLASS

OLGA LEONARDOVNA KNIPPER

CHEKHOVA (KNIPPER)– Chekhov’s wife 85 years old.

ANNA – student of the Moscow Theatrical studio.

The year is 1954. A dressing room in the theater. Knipper is restlessly sitting in an armchair waiting for her “Master Class” student. She suddenly stands, goes to a nearby coat rack, and casually starts to inspect each coat. Finding one to her satisfaction she nostalgically tries it on. There is a knock at the door. She quickly lays the coat aside.

KNIPPER: Come in.

(Anna opens the door; she enters trying to appear confident)

ANNA: Olga Leonardova, I’m sorry… I’m late…

KNIPPER: (pausing to make Anna more uncomfortable): Good day Anna. What is the matter? You always have come right on time… but today… I know it’s snowing hard…

ANNA: I’m sorry… I couldn’t…

KNIPPER: Our tea is ready… Let us relax a bit!

(Olga gets a tray with tea pot, three teaspoons, two small plates, cups, saucers and a jar of jam….pours their tea… Anna settles down… they take jam and sip… their eyes meet:)

ANNA: Olga Leonardovna, I have good news! Our Theater School will do, Anton Pavlovich Chekhov’s “The Cherry Orchard” as our final exam.

KNIPPER: Grand! Have you auditioned for a part yet?

ANNA: The director, Vadim, asked me to play the heroine Ranevskaia.

KNIPPER: Ah!… Here’s your chance…

ANNA: You have played Ranevskaia so many times…

KNIPPER: Yes! I’ve played Ranevskaia my whole life… almost until I was 80 years old… Have you learned the part?

ANNA: Yes… by heart.

KNIPPER: That’s a start… Describe Ranevskaia,s character, please.

ANNA: She… is light headed.

KNIPPER: In your view… and?

A NNA: She loves… life.

KNIPPER: Maybe…

ANNA: Flighty and fickle…

KNIPPER: In what sense “fickle”?

ANNA: In sex… she is an elderly woman who wants everybody to love her.

KNIPPER: Just what age do you think she is?

ANNA: Fifty-five I suppose.

KNIPPER: My dear, this is “elderly”? I’m 85 and I still want everybody to swoon over me.

ANNA: I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you…

KNIPPER (offended): I’m not offended. Anton wrote me that Ranevskayia is not hard to play… You only need to smile in your soul and move graciously…(Pause) Here… put on this coat, and walk as Ranevskaia’s entrance… This is the grandest, most elegant female entrance of any Chekhov heroine…

(Anna slips into the coat, and walks)

KNIPPER (harshly): You walk like a chambermaid… Don’t turn your back. Chin up… higher. Move slowly with dignity… back straight.

(Anna walks smoothly, slower, erect, and with her head slightly turned pleasantly)

KNIPPER: You’re swimming? Be tense, like a horse before a race. Every vein bulging with just one desire…

ANNA: The desire to gallop?

KNIPPER: To arouse men!

ANNA: What men?

KNIPPER: All… and now smile, and throw your head back…

(Anna smiles and tries to walk as directed)

Now Scene 1,Act 1. Ranevskaya enters…

(Anna recites Ranevskaya’s words in Russian)

ANNA: Детская, милая моя, прекрасная комната… Я тут спала, когда была маленькой… И теперь я, как маленькая…

KNIPPER: No! No! Where have you been these past weeks in these lessons? Watch… Watch me… “The nursery, my dearest perfect place. I slept here when I was a child… (weeps)… alas, now I am like a child again.” Now… like Stanislavski says, feel the words…Please, in Russian language… Like in Chekhov’s play.

ANNA: Детская, милая моя…. детская моя милая… Прекрасная, милая…

(Pause)

Olga Leonardovna, I can’t….

KNIPPER: Anna! What’s the matter?… Your mind doesn’t seem to be here…

ANNA: Olga Leonardovna… I’ve just come from the doctor…

(Pause) I am pregnant! I don’t know what to do…

KNIPPER: How far along are you?

ANNA: Two months…

KNIPPER: Anna, of course you have to decide for yourself… Two months gives some time yet…(Pause)

(Business like)… We will continue to work. Focus… Concentrate.

ANNA: Wait a second… I’ll try…

(Pause, Anna takes jam, a sip of tea, and collects herself,)

KNIPPER: Anna, a great actress has to have a strong character… I performed in any situation, despite sickness… through pain…

(Pause) The moment I walked on the stage, I listened for the breathing in the hall. They followed my every movement… my expression… my smile…

ANNA: You were not just an accomplished actress, but also the wife of Chekhov. They envied you…

KNIPPER: Envied, because they couldn’t imagine how to be the wife of a famous writer and a leading actress too… Envied and hated…

ANNA: Hated?

KNIPPER: All Moscow followed the relationship between Chekhov and me… They thought I was a bad wife… My German Parentage was not a “plus”… They were jealous of their now famous “country Doctor” turned writer. Our romance existed largely in our letters between Moscow and Yalta… over 1000 miles… over 400 letters… I’ve kept them all…

ANNA: Tell me how you married Chekhov?…

KNIPPER: After our first meeting Chekhov invited me to spend some time in Yalta…. We parted with him tenderly, I cried… Our relations changed…

ANNA: Then you were married?

KNIPPER: Not right away… to be lovers is easier than to be married… Winning him turned out to be far harder than I had thought…

ANNA: You pushed him?

KNIPPER: My dear! And just how else do you think a woman can end up with a husband?

ANNA: I think that when a man puts a lot of effort into a relationship, he will highly value his woman.

KNIPPER: Did your director Vadim put much effort into seducing you? (Pause)

It’s clear… Vadim chose you to be the lead, Ranevskaia.

ANNA. Are you implying that actresses who get leading roles are the lovers of the directors?

KNIPPER: It’s in theater’s traditions…

ANNA: It’s rumored that you had a lover too? Stanislavski?

KNIPPER: Nemirovich…

ANNA: And Chekhov? He knew about… about this tradition?

KNIPPER: I believe knew. He wasn’t naïve about life.

ANNA: How did you convince him to marry you?

KNIPPER: Do you think it would be useful for you?

ANNA: May be…

KNIPPER: Anna, I will tell you my story… but it’s a long story… you have to be patient… sip some tea… (Pause)

Marriage became the only honorable thing for me! Our new theatre needs in own dramaturg and Nemirovich decided that it would be best if I married Chekhov…That, I thought I could do… I made many trips to Yalta. Then, after two years, I suddenly refused to go. I wrote him, “You have such a sensitive soul. You should understand why I can’t come any more.” After some to-ing and fro-ing, he finally proposed. (Pause) He knew that he needed me… and our theater!

ANNA: After your marriage you were happy?

KNIPPER: I didn’t know that greater problems had just begun…

ANNA: What kind problems?

KNIPPER: Different. You see Anton’s sister Masha was against our marriage, her mother too…

ANNA: Why do you suppose?

KNIPPER: I think they were afraid that Anton would go to Moscow, where his health would quickly become worse…

ANNA: Wasn’t Chekhov very jealous of you? I don’t understand.

KNIPPER: Our relations were very strange… I didn’t understand Anton either… Nobody could understand us… He once said: “A wife is like the moon. You appreciate her more when you don’t have to see her every night”…(Pause) Soon Anton wrote that he wanted a child.

ANNA: Not happy, to have a child with Chekhov?

KNIPPER: Dearie! It’s not so easy to get pregnant with him living in Yalta and me in Moscow…(Pause) But… I got pregnant!

ANNA: You became pregnant? But you don’t have any children…

KNIPPER: Oh, it’s another story…

ANNA: Please tell me… I’m very curious…

KNIPPER: It’s a long story too…

ANNA: Please go on..

KNIPPER: Anton and I didn’t see each other for about four months. It was winter. Nemirovich finally gave me permission to go to Yalta. Complete solitude for a week. Then… after a month back in Moscow I was on the operating table… (Pause)

I wrote Anton that I had a miscarriage. He didn’t believe me. Anton found out from the surgeon and that the embryo had not developed in my womb but in a fallopian tube. And– that I’d been at least eight weeks pregnant!