Короткие пьесы - Людмила Ансельм

Ирина. Из-за вас я не договорила… Он понял, что кто-то нас подслушивает, и бросил трубку.

Маша. Да брось ты! Он положил трубку, потому что понял, что ты против…

Ирина. Против чего?

Маша. Эх ты! Ничего не поняла? Против секса…

Ирина. Какого секса?

Маша. Секса по телефону…

Ольга. Какого-какого? Что это такое?

Маша. Телефонный секс это, когда ты разговаривая по телефону, занимаешься этим делом… И приятно, и безопасно.

Ольга. В первый раз слышу. По-моему, у нас там, в Москве, такого секса не было.

Маша. Не знаю, как у вас в Москве, а в нашем поселке телефонов-то раз-два и обчелся, только у больших начальников, и один на почте.

Ирина. Он ничего такого не говорил. Как ты можешь это доказать?

Маша. Намекал… Он тебе говорил: я сейчас лежу на кровати, принял душ…

Ирина. Говорил.

Маша. Что тебе еще надо? Какие еще доказательства?

Ирина. Это еще ничего не значит.

Маша. Значит… Мне мои приятельницы про этот телефонный секс объясняли и предупреждали… В Америке такое бывает.

Ирина. Как-то не верится…

Маша. Почему ты так кричала?

Ирина. Он спрашивал, что я одеваю на ночь. А потом стал объяснять, как называются по-английски разные места…

Ольга. Какие еще места?

Ирина. Для секса. Я начала на него кричать, а он сказал, что просто хотел мне помочь.

Маша. А я что говорю?

Ольга. Девочки, что же получается, сколько людей, столько сексов?

Ирина. Без хорошего английского в этом деле не разобраться.

Ольга. Надо же! Как американцы до этого додумались?

Маша. А сексуальная революция на что? «Либерте, егалите, сексуалите!»

Ирина. Я теперь и не знаю, что делать… Это была моя последняя надежда…

Маша. А вот я, девочки, кажется, решилась. (Берет телефонную трубку.)

Ольга. На секс по телефону?

Маша. Нагляделась на вас… Закажу телефонный разговор, поговорю со своим благоверным…

Ольга. С мужем? Зачем?

Маша. Узнаю, какое у него настроение, может, приглашение ему организую. Все-таки что ни говори, а вдвоем лучше… Раз ему хочется, пускай приезжает.

Ольга. Вот и правильно! Только не забудь сказать, чтобы он привез с собой твою шубу…

Ирина. Пусть шляпу и колготки тоже прихватит… Пригодятся зимой…

Пауза.

Маша. А знаете, девчонки, ничего не надо… Лишь бы сам приехал… А там видно будет…

ЗАНАВЕС.

Short plays (10-minute plays)

TRANSLATED BY JIM CLINTON

AMERICAN DREAM

JOSHUA: old, skinny, ascetic emigrant from Russia.

PETER: 20–30 old American man.

Time: Current, night.

Small one room hut in the woods. No path. The setting could be real, supernatural or a dream but we will never know one way or the other. A dim light shows in the window.

Peter approaches the light. The hut appears. He knocks on the door. No answer. He first tries then, opens the door. Inside the hut are a table and two chairs on a rug. A lamp. An electrical receptacle.

PETER (standing in the doorway): Hello!.. anybody home?… Can I come in?

Peter peers into the dimly lit hut. A person is sitting and writing at a table.

PETER: Can I come in? Are you OK? Why don’t you answer?

JOSH: I’m busy!

PETER: Can I….?

JOSH: You all ready have!

PETER: Damn! I’m tired…(on the table are a pitcher of water and two glasses) Can I have a drink?

JOSH: Please.

(He pours a glass of water, and hands it to Peter)

PETER: Thanks! Why so dark? OK if I turn on the light?

JOSH: It’s fine for me… Everything is clear enough.

PETER: I’m Peter… parked out on the highway. Phone is dead. Lucky I could see your light from the road. Do you have a phone?

JOSH: What do you need a phone?

PETER: I’m out of gas. Need to call AAA.

JOSH: I don’t have one.

PETER: How can you live without a phone? OK if I recharge mine?

JOSH: Go ahead.

(Peter fiddles with his phone and charger and plugs them in)

PETER: What’re you so busy with?

JOSH: I’m writing something. I have to be careful not to be pedantic…. Would you like to help me while you wait?

PETER: OK, but I have to get home. I have to be at work early.

JOSH: Where have you been?

PETER: Tides Beach, windsurfing.

JOSH: Did you have fun?

PETER (starts to unplug his phone): I don’t have time for discussions. I’ll go out and stop somebody for a lift or for a phone.

JOSH: Cars don’t stop here at night!

PETER (plugging the phone back in): How do you know? Have you tried to stop cars?

(Pause)

JOSH: Come here, please glance at what I wrote.

(Pause)

PETER (approaches): Too dark. I can’t make any thing out.

JOSH: Turn on the light.

(Peter obeys. The room fills with light. Joshua tips a page up.)

Can you make it out now?

PETER (studies): Sorry, I can’t understand your writing.

JOSH (sighs): I suppose so….It’s my business…I’m writing a philosophy tract…and toward the end I bump into contradictions. I need to take a different view.

PETER: How can I help? I’m just normal computer programmer. You want me to understand philosophy?

JOSH: You may be just the person I need. Describe “The American Dream”.

(Pause)

PETER: Ah…It does exist, but not exactly.. It’s sort of gut feeling that every body has.

JOSH: Good…. Now, what is the dream for you,…. Peter?

PETER: Why me?

JOSH: I’m just curious.

PETER: I want to be happy.

JOSH: Go on….more concretely?

PETER: I want friends, a family, some children, and a house in a good neighborhood.

JOSH: All the while you feel that you could possibly be a millionaire?

PETER: Earlier maybe, but now I see it will take a long time.

JOSH: Do you have a wife?

PETER: Girl friend…

JOSH: Why aren’t you married?

PETER: Because to be married you need a good income.

JOSH: So, your dream needs money! How do you plan to get money?

PETER: Save…work hard! I might have to take some risks in the future. I like my work. I haven’t had a vacation in five years. When I earn enough money to get married my dream will be half there. I probably will have to take some risks in the future if I want to fulfill my dream.

JOSH: You of course, know money can’t buy happiness?

PETER: Money can buy a house!

JOSH: All know that honest work doesn’t always result in prosperity. There are many poor people who strive and never will improve their fate.

PETER: Except for the lazy or impaired, honest work will improve their lot….somewhat… anyway. “A rising tide raises all ships”. But contacts, taking risks, and hard work are better rewarded.

JOSH: Don’t forget goals, luck, intelligence, education, fathers money…..

PETER: You sit alone in this dark corner and know America? Do you know what Thomas Jefferson wrote in the Declaration of Independence?

JOSH: Do you know his words?

PETER: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights, that are among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.”

JOSH: A plus!

PETER: Are you a teacher?

JOSH: History… in some way.

PETER: Then you know that in The French Constitution, written at about the same time, “Freedom, Equality, and Brotherhood” side stepped the words “Pursuit of Happiness”.

JOSH: Why do you, Peter, need a family, for your happiness?

PETER: Well, Jefferson wrote that his family was the most beautiful happiness of his life.

JOSH: Why do you harp on “Jefferson”, “Jefferson”?…. his words, his thoughts on family.. Do you know Jefferson was a large plantation owner and a racist?

PETER: Of course he had slaves that was a different time. Over two hundred years so much has changed. You can’t look at his slave holdings with our modern eyes. Besides he changed opinions as he grew older.

JOSH: Yes somewhat, but he always thought the blacks inferior, that slavery should end but blacks and whites could not live together in the same society. He wrote against mixing blood of blacks and whites but he had one definite and maybe more children with his slave Sally Hemings

PETER: What about his wife?

JOSH: His wife died very young, after two children.

PETER: Maybe Sally is just hearsay.

JOSH: Recent DNA tests of descendants of Sally and Jefferson are statistically conclusive.

PETER: Oh!..was Sally pretty? Figure?.. Face? I suppose that Jefferson didn’t think about her blood lines during sex.

JOSH: We think she had straight black hair. She was only one quarter black so she was “brown”. Their son Madison Hemings was essentially “white” but, one eighth black so he still was treated as a slave. He never forgave Jefferson for this. He would ask his mother something like: “ Why did daddy treat his other children different from me?” She would reply “Quiet, quiet…. when we were in Paris he promised to free all my children. Patience, patience”

PETER: Jefferson did as he promised?

JOSH: No….and yes! Only after his death were they freed.

PETER: When did Sally’s and Jefferson’s relationship start? What about his wife?

JOSH: His wife died very young. In Paris when Sally was fourteen years old!

PETER: Fourteen! Yikes!

JOSH: Then young girls were considered women. Madison said later, “…Jefferson took his mother like a concubine”.

PETER: Why do you think that Madison’s statement is important?

JOSH: There is a difference, a concubine…

PETER: How do you know that Jefferson still treated her as a slave?

JOSH: He looked on her that way…

PETER: Why didn’t he give her freedom?

JOSH: I think if he gave her freedom he couldn’t control her and keep her in his house. Once the relationship with Sally begins, he is living in lie.

PETER: Write a book!

JOSH: Jefferson was also duplicitous. In fact he was a “dirty” politician.

PETER: Such a duplicitous President. It reminds me of FDR. Can we explain this type of person?

JOSH: What do you think?

PETER: I find it hard to think that he was just a hypocrite and liar….so then..

JOSH: Continue. “So then”..what….talk, talk.

PETER: You’re the history teacher! Don’t expect so much from me.

JOSH: What I find strange is that Jefferson’s oldest daughter Martha maintained that there was no relationship between her father and Sally. I don’t see how the relationship could not be known to the white members of his family.

PETER: Family secret!

JOSH: I don’t think so. A grandchild of Jefferson, Helen, wrotethat the relationship was impossible! The door to Sally’s room was very public all entering and exiting were in sight of the family.